Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim Review

I thought I’d seen it all when it comes to the dating game. Whether it’s between humans and robots, vampires and werewolves, or even a person and a jar of mayonnaise – I’m looking at you Mr. Massagy with your Mayo Edition – there appears to be something for everyone. Not kaiju folk though, who are only ever really seen causing carnage and probably find it difficult to make time for romance. Fortunately, Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim is here to take you on a romantic romp with a dinosaur who’s looking for love. 

That’s right, Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim is a game in which a huge radioactive dinosaur named Gigachu is found travelling around the world, trying to find a mate. Despite kaiju being in relatively short supply, there are six destructive beasts spread out across the globe and you need to pick one of them for Gigachu. You’re going to take the lucky kaiju out on dates to some of the most well known locations, hoping that they turn out to be the perfect soulmate.

Even though your options are limited, the variety in the kaiju available is pretty good in terms of design. To give a few examples, there’s the three-headed sea creature, Seadora, who’s actual royalty; Garudan the muscle-bound bird; and the colourful plant and butterfly hybrid type Mossra – not to be confused with Mothra, a mighty famous kaiju. The visual representation of these really sets the tone, with the would-be monsters looking quite adorable. Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim is going for that kids cartoon vibe and it’s charming to see such cute creations conjured up.

So how do you go about wooing one of the potential suitors? Well, there’s an overworld where you pick locations to date at and you’ll have to answer questions in a bid to impress the other kaiju. Prepare to venture to the likes of Angkor Wat, the Eiffel Tower, the Golden Gate Bridge, Mount Sidley, and more; it’s entirely your call. You’ll visit a fair few in a single playthrough, and it’s fun to see each of the twenty-four locations, but I’m not confident that your choices matter in regards to Gigachu’s love life. 

There are three Acts of storytelling for each romantic candidate, with a pair of news station anchors – Lucky and Brevity – gossiping about your progress throughout. Essentially, the opening Act focuses on building foundations with the kaiju, then the second is to solidify the relationship. The third Act is perhaps the most exciting due to it being akin to a boss battle as the military does its utmost to tear your duo apart. 

Given the fact these gigantic creatures don’t speak any comprehensible language, the questions are posed by one of the TV news reporters and three possible answers are provided. Pick the best answers to strengthen the relationship, while decimating the landmark, but choosing the worst will see things cool off and a paltry amount of damage is done.

Now, despite being a very easy to understand little quiz style setup, I seldom felt as if I was succeeding through my own charm and cunning wit. That’s partly because there’s too much guesswork going on, with logic coming in handy rather infrequently. The questions could cover anything from whether you like metal, to what’s the most attractive feature of your significant other. Sure, the narration by the reporters can provide a bit of insight into a kaiju’s personality, but often you’re just randomly choosing and it’s quite boring.

Chances are, you will still manage to succeed though, and then you can do it all again with a new partner. You won’t lose much time in doing so, with a single playthrough lasting less than half an hour, which you would expect ensures additional attempts are more palatable. Unfortunately, it does become repetitive in terms of narration and seeing a lot of the same questions arise. Even with three different types of endings, I think the experience is slightly spoiled the more you play.

Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim provides a cutesy take on the mighty kaiju and delivers a melancholic setting for romance to blossom. If you look past the adorable setup however, you’re left with just a very shallow quiz where you’ll most likely have to guess your way to success. A single playthrough might be enjoyable, especially to partake in the memory testing boss confrontation, but further playthroughs only highlight the lack of fulfilling gameplay and that begins to grate overall. 

I doubt you’ll have a long-lasting relationship with Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim, but maybe look it up if you’re after a quick fling.

Kaichu – The Kaiju Dating Sim is available via the Xbox Store